It’s past 2 am.
It’s the hour of the owls and bats.
But it looks like they have a new company today…
You just had the 5th fight for the week with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife.
To make matters worse, your favorite “ideal” couple on Instagram just posted yet another photo of their lovey-dovey life.
You can’t help but wonder how their life is so perfect?
Do they ever fight?
Do those happy couples on Facebook and Instagram even know what a fight is?
Well, who’d be a better person to ask than your free relationship coach, Mr. Google?
So you dropped it on him as you do with every other aspect of your life.
How often does a healthy couple fight?
That’s none of our business.
How often a married couple or a couple in a relationship fight is none of our business.
I can virtually hear you cussing me.
But that’s not going to change my answer to your question.
Let me tell you why.
There are couples, who’ve been happily married or been in a relationship for over ten years, who never stop fighting.
And there are others who fight maybe once or twice a month, and they’re happy too.
There are also some rare couples who claim not to fight or make it out like they never do.
Guess what they all have in common?
5 things happy couple have in common
1: They find a way
Though they fight and argue like Tom and Jerry, they always figure out a way to make up and go to bed together in peace.
Or at least make up a couple of days later.
2: They hide the negatives
Let me make one thing clear; we’re not talking about the way social media couple make it out like they have the perfect happily ever after life.
But what I mean is the couple who fight but want to stay together tend to hide the negative aspects of their relationship with those who don’t need to know about it.
Say, for instance, you just had an argument with your husband over something ridiculous and told your girlfriend about it, what do you think she’ll likely say?
9/10 of the time, your friend might add more fuel to the fire.
She might exaggerate something small that you and your husband would have easily managed to sort out by yourselves.
Does that mean you should never tell anyone about the fights in your relationship?
If you ever feel like you’re going through emotional or physical abuse, you should tell.
If you feel suffocated and feel the desperate need to tell someone, don’t hold back.
If any cheating or abuse is involved, open your mouth.
Bottom line: Don’t expose minor fights and arguments that you know you could quickly sort out by yourselves.
And don’t hold back from telling someone if you feel the desperate need to, or if there’s any abuse or cheating is involved.
3: They’re like children at heart.
Do you have a childhood friend in your life with whom you used to fight with when you were little?
Why is this person still your friend?
What makes this person deserve a place in your life?
Bet you can’t think of anything other than he or she is your friend and that alone is the reason.
Many couples who fight also feel the same way.
Without even realizing it, they see their partner as a childhood friend or best friend who’s still in their life.
When they fight, they also forgive and forget as they did with that childhood friend.
Just like how they can’t imagine completely erasing that childhood friend from their life, they can’t imagine their life without their wife or husband also.
Real friends fight.
And the cycle repeats, for both friends and those happy couples.
4: They know the power of laughter.
Remember the time when you were sad or angry, and someone cracked a good joke that made you laugh so hard?
It can be a joke.
It can be something funny they did.
Or maybe just a funny expression on their face.
But it made you laugh when you were supposed to be sad or angry, right?
This is another secret that happy couple who fight practice on a regular basis.
They don’t do it like it’s a must do thing.
They do it naturally because they want to.
And trust me, it’s so hard to hold a grudge against someone who just made you laugh out loud.
So the next time you fight with your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend?
Do something to make it impossible for them to hold back their laughter.
5: They counteract it with the positives.
Those who fight but still manage to remain happy like they were at the beginning of their relationship know the power of counting the blessings.
Practically speaking, you don’t sit down and think about the positive sides of your partner right after a heated argument.
Nobody does that.
When you’re angry, you’re mad.
But when they’ve calmed down, they’ll remember something positive about their partner.
It can be a simple gesture that their partner did for them.
For instance, they had a heated argument but their partner still cooked for them.
It can be anything small to big.
But when they feel like their relationship is going downhill, they’ll take a moment to sit down and remember all the positive things about their partner.
And that’s enough to keep them going.
Fighting in relationships how much is too much?
If you’ve read the whole post, you would have realized that there’s no one size fits all rule for this.
The real focus should be on why you’re fighting and how the fight ends.
For example, fighting because your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you is a whole different story than fighting because he or she kept ignoring your calls one day.
That said, fighting 24/7 indeed isn’t good for the health and wellbeing of both you and your partner.
There has to be a balance.
You could have some arguments here and there every week and remain happy because those arguments were things you never took to heart.
Things that never mattered in the end.
But if you’re fighting a lot because of reasons such as your partner abusing you or cheating on you, then your situation is different.
If that’s the case, you need to speak about it to someone appropriate.
Do all couples fight?
Even if they don’t fight early in the relationship, they will look at some point.
They’re humans. Not robots.
Humans have emotions.
Robots can be made in a way only to express happy emotions, but humans can’t.
At least not all the time.
So all couples fight and argue at some point.
But as I said earlier, the real focus should not be on how often, but rather why they’re fighting and what they do about it in the end.
And again as I said earlier, fighting 6 out of 7 days a week is also a big no, especially if it has been continuing for weeks or months.
Arguing early in a relationship
Right, it’s been a week or a month since you got into an official relationship with your partner and you’re already fighting?
It can be good and bad.
It’s okay if it’s a one-time thing over some small misunderstanding.
But if it seems to happen on a regular basis, then it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
Think about the following questions:
- Did you get into a relationship to get over an ex?
- Did you jump into this relationship too fast before getting to know each other better?
- Was it all just lust in the end?
- Are they not what you thought they were?
You need to think about those questions.
If you answered yes to even one of those questions, it’s time to consider taking a short break before things get too far.
Is it healthy to never fight in a relationship?
It’s perfectly healthy if in a brand new relationship or a marriage.
I mean, fighting with your new husband or wife is the last thing you’d have imagined before getting married right?
As a mature adult, you knew that all relationships would have their ups and downs.
You knew you’d have some arguments and fights once in a while.
You also knew that it’s normal.
But what if you never fight, at least not yet?
It’s not an entirely bad thing.
If you’ve never had a single fight since the beginning of your relationship, you might find it hard to deal with when it suddenly happens one day.
And it will.
It’s normal, but you or your partner might overreact a little because your relationship has been full of roses and rainbows all this while.
You might suddenly feel like your partner has changed or doesn’t love you as much anymore.
But that may not be the case.
Here’s what you can do:
- Don’t think of it as a negative aspect.
- Don’t attempt to fight with your partner to see what happens.
- Remind yourself of the reality that if you do happen to have fought in the future, it’s not because he or she has changed or doesn’t love you anymore.
- Remind yourself that stress and the pressure of life can take a toll on people’s emotions now and then.
Your Key TakeAway:
All healthy couples fight.
The frequency of how often they fight depends on them, and it’s none of our business.
Your focus should be on the reason for your fights and how it often ends.
Are you able to make peace with your partner and go to sleep together on the same day or maybe a couple of days later?
Are you both able to laugh it off and move on like nothing ever happened?
Or is your partner giving you the silent treatment abuse for every little thing?
If your partner keeps on giving you the cold shoulders for every little thing and it’s been this way for months, that’s not good.
And it’s also a different story if your arguments are because of any cheating or abuse.
Speak your mind!
What’s your view on “how often does a healthy couple fight”?