Being friends with an ex while in a relationship is never a good idea unless the person you’re currently with is hurting you. Even then, reconnecting with your ex because your current partner is wrong, is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Here’s what you need to know if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.
SEE ALSO: 10 reasons why married men cheat
Why are you keeping in touch with ex while in a relationship?
If you recently got back in touch with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, what made you want to go for it? What made you think that’s harmless to be friends with your ex when you’re in another relationship?
Well, here are some potential reasons why.
You’re in a rebound relationship
Did you rush into your current relationship before you gave yourself time to get over your last breakup?
If you did, the chances are that you’re still not over your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Therefore you’re loving the idea of being friends with your ex.
Some (or many) people get a confidence boost when their ex wants to keep in touch with them. It makes them feel like their ex is regretting the breakup and wants them back. It makes them feel like their ex is missing them, and they like to lead on their ex just for the sake of it.
Are you doing that?
Are you friends with your ex because you think or know they miss you or want you back? Is it making you feel special?
If yes, that feeling is short-lived. Everyone moves on, eventually.
You’re not happy with your current partner
People who are truly happy in their relationship genuinely don’t have space to cling on to the past. If you’re truly happy in your current relationship, you wouldn’t want to be friends with your ex.
Is your current partner hurting you in some way? Or you just don’t see a future for your current relationship?
Either way, this could also be why you think there’s nothing wrong in reconnecting with your ex.
5 reasons being friends with an ex while in a relationship is bad
1: Toxic EX
Think about the reasons why your ex is now your EX. Why did you break up?
Did he or she break your trust? Did they hurt you and have no intention of changing their ways?
If yes, reconnecting with your ex might make you feel like you’re in a maze. You might find your way out, but it’s not going to be an easy journey.
Think about it, why would your ex want to be friends knowing you’re with someone else?
It’s not rocket science for your ex to know that he or she should stay away from you when you’re in another relationship. So why would they bother?
If they’ve been toxic in your past, they probably don’t have any good intentions now either.
Your ex might also take advantage of your weaknesses. If they know you love a sure thing, they might do that to impress you and get you back.
2: You may hurt your current partner
You wouldn’t have Googled it if being friends with an ex while in a relationship was nothing to be alarmed about. You know it’s not right in your heart, and it’s as if your heart wants to find reasons to make you feel normal about it.
Imagine how your current boyfriend or girlfriend might feel when they find out. Do you think they’ll be happy?
Even if they react like they don’t have a problem with it, they do (rightfully).
3: You may cheat
Depending on how physically involved you were in your past relationship, your ex can take advantage of your weaknesses and make you cheat on your current partner.
You may say that will never happen, but the devil knows his ways.
It always happens in a blinking moment, causing you more regrets than you already have.
4: Losing your control
Keeping in touch with an ex while in a relationship can put you in the state of having no control over your decisions. You know it’s a bad idea, but you’re willing to do it anyway for the temporary kick of it.
What’s stopping you from thinking about the long-term outcome?
Would getting back with your ex bring happiness to your life again?
Or will it just kill your current relationship and make you feel miserable?
Think about where you want to be in a few years.
Now think again about the impact of having your ex in your life at that time. Do you think your ex will help you achieve your goals and be happy in life?
Or is he or she going to make your hormones happy for a while and leave you hanging when they find someone else?
5: Another breakup
99.9% of the time, exes reconnect with their past boyfriends or girlfriends in hopes of getting them back or ruining their current relationship.
Avoid being friends with your ex even if you don’t see a future with your current partner.
4 Boundaries For Being Friends With An EX
Here are some important boundaries to keep if you want to listen to your heart over your brain and be friends with your ex.
1: Ask your current partner
Ask your current partner what they think and if they think you should or shouldn’t be friends with your ex. If they don’t like it or act like they’re not sure, just drop the idea at once.
It doesn’t mean you’re making someone else control your life. It just means you’re not a selfish person. It means you understand and respect the feelings of your partner and wish to keep them happy over someone from your past.
2: Avoid frequent chats or calls
Treat your ex like how you would treat a random person you have on your facebook friends list. You know those people who are there, but you hardly care? That’s how you should be treating your ex.
Avoid chatting for longer than 5 minutes, and keep the conversations short and sweet. Avoid talking on the phone to your ex.
3: Avoid getting personal
Avoid asking about their relationship issues or telling them about yours. And strictly avoid sharing any negative aspects of your current partner to your ex.
Let him, or her know that your partner knows about them and are okay with you talking to them. This would make them feel worried if they had any harmful intentions.
4: Block if they flirt
If your ex attempts to flirt with you at any point, let them know that you’re happy with your current partner and that you wish to have nothing to do with them again.
Block and get rid of them even if you don’t see a future with your current partner for the reasons we discussed earlier.
9 out of 10 times, the idea of being friends with an ex while in a relationship is never a good idea. It just doesn’t work like that, especially when you’re young and bursting with hormones.
Avoid being friends with your ex if you think you cannot keep the boundaries discussed above. That is, even if you’re not happy with your current partner.
You’ll be able to make a better decision if you sit down and think about where you want to be in a few years and the goals you want to achieve.
How do you feel about being friends your ex while in another relationship?